If the pen is indeed mightier than the sword, it means that words really matter. Communication, whether one-on-one or in front of a crowd, is a huge component of the leadership experience. And that means that what you say can make or break your ability to lead well.
As leaders, we must be intentional about our vocabulary and phrasing. This isn’t a call to walk on verbal eggshells – rather, I encourage any leader in any industry to be cognizant of how their words help or hinder their efforts to inspire greatness.
With that said, here are eight things leaders just shouldn’t say:
8 Words & Phrases Leaders Should Leave Behind
#1) “Should”
“Should,” is a weak word. It does two things depending on context: provokes shame or diminishes the strength of intention. If we “should” do something, it might be right, but “should” says, “you aren’t doing what you’re supposed to be doing,” or “I may or may not follow through.” Instead, say that you can and will.
#2) “Obviously”
Saying that something is obvious or opening with “obviously,” immediately shuts down anyone who may have not found it so obvious. It’s not always obvious and it will provoke a defensive reaction. If it was obvious, you wouldn’t have to say it! It’s unnecessary and it can send the message that you think anyone who didn’t see what was so obvious is stupid, ill-equipped, or otherwise incapable of doing their job well.
#3) “I’ll just do it myself.”
Leaders must avoid the temptation to take everything on themselves. Not only is this unsustainable, but it greatly diminishes team confidence and morale. Saying “I’ll do it myself,” says that you don’t trust your team to do things well or right, and that you know better than they do how to do the job you hired them for. It kills confidence, makes you seem like an overbearing micro-manager, and stifles the collaborative spirit.
#4) “Good job.”
It’s all well and fine to give out compliments. The problem is when compliments and criticisms alike are vague. When you’re giving feedback, be specific. You can say “good job,” if you follow it up with specific examples of what was done well and what you’d like to see more of. This feedback isn’t just feel-good: it’s beneficial! The same goes for dishing out a critique. Be specific or risk lessons going unlearned.
#5) “I can’t.”
Don’t put limitations on yourself or your team. “Can’t” eliminates possibility. The last thing leaders want to do is shut down possibilities! Yes, you can absolutely be realistic about the odds – but don’t write yourself or your team off from the outset. If there’s a will, there’s a way – and “I can’t” says that there’s no will to begin with.
#6) “It’s not personal.”
Usually followed by “it’s just business.” But here’s the thing: business is personal. Your team (hopefully) feels personally invested, fulfilled, and inspired by the job that they do. Great teams have real relationships and a good rapport that means they do care about you, and they care about one another. You can approach situations logically and practically, but that doesn’t mean you should dismiss the feelings that may be involved. Your team is made up of people who want to feel valued and respected, most of all by you!
#7) “Perfect!”
Saying that anything is “perfect” immediately sets an impossible standard. Perfection is an illusion. If you expect it, you will be chronically disappointed. Your team will be burdened with a benchmark they can’t achieve. Perfectionism kills productivity and stunts creativity. It’s not a virtue. In fact, perfectionism is closely linked to anxiety and panic disorders as well as a “fixed mindset” rather than a “growth mindset.”
#8) “But…”
There’s a caveat to this one. Using “but,” when you’re problem-solving is fine. It’s necessary. However, avoid using “but” when offering feedback or criticism to others. Using “but” to tack on a disclaimer like “don’t take this the wrong way,” only signals to the person you’re addressing that they should ignore everything before that “but.” It also shows that you’re unwilling to be direct and instead feel the need to beat around the bush or couch your feedback in caveats and compliments.
It can be weak and unnecessarily hurtful, even if you’re trying to provide balanced feedback. Just be direct without the disclaimers!
Are there any words or phrases you purposely avoid? Share why in the comments.