I don’t know anyone who genuinely likes confrontation. Deep down, we all want to be liked, accepted, and looked up to. Sometimes, it feels as though that desire runs counter to our need to give meaningful, constructive criticism. Who are we criticizing, exactly? It could be anyone — peers, employees, or even someone above you. It can seem like the stakes are too high to make dishing out a constructive critique worthwhile.
That said, as leaders, it’s critical that we know how to deliver this kind of criticism the right way. If you want to succeed as a team or a business, it’s unavoidable. Unfortunately, a lot of us make mistakes in our mission to correct errors and issues as we see them.
6 Tips for Dispensing Truly Constructive Criticisms
1) Don’t serve a compliment sandwich.
Because of our human nature that wants to be liked and would rather no one be upset with us, there can be a temptation to hedge criticism in a series of compliments. This is known as the “compliment sandwich.”
Now, positive feedback is important. However, you can hurt your efforts to critique and see a change when you cushion the blow with compliments. It can make it seem like your criticisms aren’t a big deal, urgent, or in real need of change. While you might think it’s necessary, it can backfire. Instead of making a gentle critique, you make way for complacency.
2) Look for your own pitfalls.
The uncomfortable truth about the failures of our peers and team members is that they are rarely all on one person’s shoulders. Sometimes our systems, inattentiveness, or lack of proactivity can enable the problems we see, such as details slipping through the cracks and expectations not being met.
Even as you have genuine, valid criticism to give, don’t forget to examine how your leadership (or lack thereof) and the systems in play may have contributed to the problem. Ask for feedback from the person you’re critiquing — making is about collaborative solutions. It may open your eyes to underlying problems you have been unaware of.
3) Don’t wait for an airing of grievances.
Listen: performance reviews are bad. The vast majority of people do not find them helpful or motivating to improve their performance. Don’t save up your compliments and criticisms for a once-quarterly meeting. Instead, collaborate and correct your colleagues as things happen. Think about it like any intimate relationship. How many times do we not mention something bothering us, only to bring up something that happened months ago when the straw breaks the camel’s back?
Just as we can’t blindside our spouses and partners with long-held grudges, we can’t do it to our people, either. If you address issues as they happen, a person is better able to acknowledge and address the issue. It can be damaging to one’s confidence and performance to leave issues unaddressed, leaving too much room for repeat offenses and embarrassment.
4) Talk face-to-face.
Body language and tone are so important when it comes to criticism. Written reports, emails, and notes can all be misinterpreted due to the lack of non-verbal cues. Even if you have to do it over video-conferencing, opt for being able to see and hear one another when giving a critique. And remember: do it privately. It can be embarrassing for a critique to be public, which sows seeds of resentment.
5) Prioritize solutions and improvement.
At the end of the day, constructive criticism isn’t personal. It’s always about the actions and not the person. Therefore, fixing the issue doesn’t mean changing the person, but changing the behavior. What’s important here is that we don’t dwell on the mistakes made. Instead, we look first and foremost to solutions.
Instead of spending all your time on the bad behavior and why it’s so bad, focus on finding solutions and motivating your team to reach their potential.
6) Listen.
This year has been tough on the workforce. We’re dealing with financial, emotional, and mental stresses — not to mention the physical threat of a deadly pandemic. As much as the critique isn’t personal, your approach does have to be personal. It sounds like a contradiction, but hear me out.
We never know what’s going on in people’s lives or how it may be impacting their performance. Give them the benefit of the doubt in that you believe that they want to do a good job. This is where we should ask questions: what’s holding you back? Are your objectives clear enough? Is everything okay?
As much as these questions don’t fundamentally change the content of your constructive criticism, they can offer perspective and new opportunities for solutions. You inspire trust, accountability, and confidence when you show genuine care for your people.
And ultimately, that’s the true goal of constructive criticism: showing your team how they can reach their potential together.