Few things kill our motivation like failure. None of us like to fail. In fact, there’s a lot of psychology behind failure. It is demoralizing. It makes us feel as if our goals are unattainable, leads us to the self-sabotaging fear of failure, and skews our perception of our own abilities — among other things.
Failure stings, no doubt about it. However, the only true failure is giving up totally. Failure needs to motivate us to redouble our efforts and re-examine our goals and strategies. But so often, it doesn’t. Mistakes and missteps can drag us down, hinder our ability to see things objectively, and ultimately stop us from reaching our potential as well as our goals.
So how do we stay motivated in the face of failure — sometimes multiple times?
Here are my top tips.
5 Ways to Bounce Back from Failure
1) Don’t dwell.
Some of us are more prone to anxious thoughts than others. All of us have a tendency to mentally try to rewrite our mistakes. We dwell on “what if” and “if only,” mentally kicking ourselves for the mistakes we think we should have seen coming. If we’d done x, y, or z instead, maybe it would have turned out differently.
And it might have — but we can’t dwell. None of us have the ability to change the past. There’s no merit in dwelling on mistakes and performing self-flagellation over them. The only productive way to move forward is to think not about what you should have done, but what you will do in the future.
2) See failure as a growth opportunity.
We’ve all heard from the most successful people in the world that failure was a critical part of their journey. From failed projects, bankruptcy, and firings, struggles that we see as devastating are an integral part of many success stories.
Failure, then, should not be seen as the end of the line and should be instead regarded as an opportunity for the future. Only through mistakes and failure can we see solutions more clearly. They allow for trial-and-error and expose things that aren’t quite working. This way, we can improve our systems and methodology. When we learn from mistakes — be it in work or in my world of real estate investment — we’re better equipped to tackle challenges in the future, knowing better what to avoid and how to navigate trials.
3) Remember your worth.
As I mentioned in the beginning, failure can skew our perception of ourselves. We start to believe that we do not have the abilities or skills to get the job done. We have to remember, though, that our worth is not in our performance. It’s not in the product. No one executes anything perfectly on their first try. Allow yourself to fail without allowing it to impact your self-worth.
Your abilities are not limited by their success. You are not defined by failure. While failure can be a blow to the ego, it is not a reflection on your lack of ability or yourself. Instead, it is a means by which to grow in these areas.
4) Know it’s never as bad as it seems.
Are you guilty of catastrophizing? This is when we perceive a situation to be far worse than it is — whether by seeing a current scenario as devastating or in imagining worst-case scenarios for the future. It’s so valuable to ask ourselves, “what’s the worst that could happen?” when facing failure. When we can think about our situation with objectivity, failure seems less daunting and far easier to overcome.
It’s not the end of the world. There are always other roads to take, paths to explore, and actions you can take to repair the damage. In the moment, it’s so easy to see our mistakes as the end — but know that there is something always waiting beyond. Something far better.
5) Recognize progress.
Failures can make us feel worthless and stuck. We feel like we’ve wasted time and effort for nothing. This is so untrue because there is progress made even in failure. Failure illuminates what does and does not work. It is a valuable teacher. It shows us where we need to grow and change, allows us to attack the problem from a new angle, and enables us to take new chances with a greater sense of knowledge and experience.
How do you bounce back from your own personal failings? Share your strategies in the comments.