I have five kids. As we’ve just seen Father’s Day come and go, I can’t help but think about them. Specifically, I think about the kind of people they are growing up to be and how I, as their father, play a role in that future. One of the biggest fears we dads have is that we’ll “screw up” our kids. We fear that we’ll give them something less than the best, that our actions will hurt their futures.
Being a parent is an exercise in anxiety management for sure!
A few times now, I have discussed the qualities of the “modern gentleman” and what assuming this role should do for our lives, both professional and personal. The idea of the “modern gentleman” is to reclaim the best qualities of gentility. It can be hard to quantify, but I would sum up a modern gentleman as one who is respectful, well-mannered, and considerate.
So often this conversation revolves around networking and business or our romantic pursuits. But what about parenting? In light of Father’s Day, I want to explore what fatherhood should mean for the modern gentleman.
4 Ways Fathers Use the Principles of the Modern Gentleman to Teach Their Kids
It doesn’t matter if you’re raising boys or girls. The principles that guide a modern gentleman are universal! As a father, there are several ways I can utilize these principles to raise my kids well.
1) Edify, Edify
A gentleman isn’t stingy with genuine compliments. He is always ready to uplift another. This goes for our kids, too. Help them to see the good in others and the good in themselves by complimenting them. Tell them you’re proud. Let them know when they’ve done a good job or put in a great effort. The edification of our children isn’t just about being kind to them, it’s building a foundation of self-esteem and self-respect for them. It’s teaching them to be generous with their words and thoughts.
A gentleman strives to lead and bring the best out of others. For our kids, encouragement and compliments go a long way in accomplishing that.
2) Be the Example
This one might seem obvious, but it’s no less important. As fathers, as parents, we’re constantly setting an example for our children. Just as the sins of the father (ie., the bad habits and character traits) can be passed on, so can the good things. Your children will learn how to treat their future partners based on how you treat yours. They will learn what a healthy relationship looks like. They will learn to handle conflict and disappointment. They will learn how to manage stress and emotions.
They will learn respect for others and for themselves — all from you! Set the example!
3) Listen to Your Kids
A gentleman is slow to speak and quick to listen. He wants to understand and invest in others. We have to do this for our kids, too. Listen to them! Sure, kid logic can be a little weird (and a little funny) and definitely wrong. You’re likely to butt heads from time-to-time and even on key, fundamental ethics and principles.
It’s still important to listen. Instead of because I say soarguments, dignify your children with real listening, real understanding, and real reasoning behind your viewpoints and decisions. There is a level that is and is not age-appropriate for doing so, but you can always hear your children out. When you listen to them and answer in kind, you will foster a sense of respect for others and much-needed critical thinking skills.
4) Admit When You’re Wrong
It’s tough for a parent to be in the wrong. We mess up. We do! And we really, really don’t like to acknowledge it. However, it’s important that we fess up to our mistakes when they impact our kids. Whether your frustration boiled over into shouting or a too-harsh punishment, be willing to apologize to your kids and make things right.
What this shows is that the gentleman — that good people — aren’t so bent on being right or being seen as right that they are unwilling to admit mistakes, do their best to set things right, and change their behavior in the future.
In what ways are you trying to best raise your children? Share what you want them to learn from you in the comments.