The world seems more divided than it’s ever been. It might be an exaggeration — after all, we only know our lifetime and its context. Even so, conflict seems to be everywhere we turn. In part, we can blame it on social media. Not only does the Internet afford us some level of anonymity and distance from the people we disagree with, emboldening some to be particularly vitriolic, but social media means that we simply see more of it. We’re more connected, more in-the-know.
That said, I’m not here to talk about the pitfalls of social media, even if it contributes significantly to the problem.
Conflict is an essential part of life. If you’ve ever taken a communications course, you know that they don’t discourage conflict — rather, they encourage healthy and productive means of conflict management.
When you’re in a position of leadership — when you wield influence and power — it’s even more important to be skilled in the area of conflict management and resolution. We can’t afford personally or professionally to exacerbate problems. Instead, great leaders know how to tackle conflict with their relationships and reputation intact when it’s all said and done.
Here’s how the best of the best deal with conflict.
3 Ways Great Leaders Deal with Conflict Management
1) Their Reputation is Top-of-Mind
My family has always stressed the importance of one’s reputation. After all, it takes years to build and only one moment to bring it all crashing down! When dealing with conflict, reputation matters. Leaders, people are watching you. Business owners? People are watching you. Parents and husbands? People are watching. They’re watching what you say and type. They will pass judgment based on your response.
This isn’t to say leaders should walk on eggshells for fear of offending the wrong person. But it does mean we should temper our responses in such a way that they are beyond reproach. Be careful with your words. Intentional responses are necessary! If you’re angry, wait. Don’t let emotions control your response.
Ask yourself what you want to communicate. Write it down. Read it again, searching for anything that could be misconstrued or taken out-of-context. Look for anything that could be seen as a personal attack, slanderous, or condescending.
As leaders, we must be charitable and professional towards those with whom we disagree. This not only protects your reputation, but it keeps your message accessible and effective, regardless of a difference of opinion.
2) They Aren’t Obsessed with Being Right
We all know people who just have to be right.Great leaders aren’t worried about saving face. They’re not just trying to win the argument — they want the truth. They want to do what is right. Great leaders are open to the idea that they may be wrong, that they can learn from others, and that they have room for personal and professional growth.
So many people dig their heels in in the midst of a conflict. We have to do better. Instead, listen: really listen. Examine your own point-of-view and the biases you might have. Be willing to recognize where you might be wrong and where you can find the middle ground.
3) They Aren’t in it for Themselves
No matter what the stakes are, big or small, we all have a tendency towards selfishness. We want the outcome of any given argument, conflict, or discourse to benefit us or our team the most. Leaders, be careful of selfish motivations. Great leaders do seek the best for their people. They want the best outcomes. But they don’t approach conflict with a mind for selfish gain.
Argue your point of view. Stand by your principles. Where there is conflict, though, think of the good of all. It might not be your way. There might be a better solution, a more effective compromise. Great leaders don’t want glory from the outcomes of conflict — they want what will be truly the best outcome.
While we want an advantageous solution, we also must be mindful of the needs and inherent value in those with whom we conflict. For great leaders, conflict resolution is less about what is comfortable and more about what is right.
What strategies do you employ to diffuse a heated conversation? Share in the comments.