Conflict is an inevitable part of life. We’re all going to face it personally and professionally but our tendency, our human nature, is to avoid conflict at all costs. But avoiding conflict isn’t the same thing as having peace. And conflict, if handled properly, can lead to growth and positive outcomes for everyone involved.
As a leader, you might be fearful to engage in disagreements and arguments for fear of losing hard-won trust and influence. Maybe you feel as though you’ll harm your team or damage existing relationships. Despite our (at times well-founded) fears, great leaders must know how to navigate conflict.
If you avoid it, you’ll inevitably fumble when it comes knocking anyway.
8 Rules for Handling Workplace Conflict from a Leadership Position
Rule #1 – Get all the facts straight.
Whether you’re a party to the conflict or simply a mediator, you’ve got to get all the facts right. Our perception of the situation may be distorted based on assumptions, bias, and misunderstandings. It’s important that everyone involved is on the same page regarding what happened and where the problem really lies. After all, you can’t fix something if you don’t know what went wrong!
Rule #2 – Address the unspoken need.
Conflict always comes from an unmet need. Oftentimes, people don’t recognize the need that isn’t being met on a conscious level. As a leader, you’ve got to read between the lines to figure out what’s really going on. A problem that seems small an insignificant to you, for example, may be symptomatic of a larger issue.
To get to the root of conflict and to truly come to a satisfying resolution, you must work together to find that unmet need and find a way to ensure it gets met.
Rule #3 – Recognize patterns of conflict and adjust accordingly.
In a workplace environment, you have a group of very different individuals coming together to collaborate. They won’t always be friends. They may not even like one another. As much as the modern workplace likes to sell the image of coworkers as one big happy family, that’s just not the reality in 99% of businesses.
You may find, then, that patterns of conflict emerge. Certain people may not work well together, and it may demand the restructuring of a team or responsibilities to mitigate issues as much as possible. If you see something or someone that’s constantly a source of problems, address it in its entirety. Quick fixes to complex problems just don’t last.
Rule #4 – Respond rather than react.
When we react, we let emotion steer our words. As a leader, a level head is necessary. You can’t let stress, anger, frustration, or any other emotion dictate how you respond to conflict. It’s only going to escalate things. Instead, step back. Work through your own emotions and pinpoint the heart of the problem. You have those unmet needs, too. Identify them. Cool off. Return to the problem when you have a clear head and a more objective perspective.
Rule #5 – Prioritize respect and integrity.
No matter how hard you disagree, how angry you get, or how upset someone has made you, you must always approach your colleagues with respect and integrity. You don’t blame them, you don’t besmirch them, and you don’t lie about implementing solutions that you know full-well won’t happen. Respect your team enough to listen. Respect them enough to believe in their best intentions. A healthy team is an effective team, and you set the tone for the culture in the workplace.
Rule #6 – Master effective communication skills.
This one is tough. Communicating effectively is hard! Focus on learning how to listen actively, speak carefully, and express emotions and ideas with clarity. Maintain healthy boundaries and keep your emotions in check.
Rule #7 – Find a happy compromise.
In any conflict, compromise is key. No one party is going to get everything they want – that’s just life. Open that dialogue so that instead of a “me versus you” situation, you have an “us versus the problem.” People aren’t the problem. The problem can be in miscommunication, unexpressed expectations, unmet needs, the breaching of boundaries, or any number of things. But it’s never the person.
So, work together to address the issue. Be honest. Be open. And most of all, be fair.
Rule #8 – Enact real change.
If you fail to follow-through with confliction solutions, you’re going to find yourself in the same fight time and time again. Part of successful conflict resolution is in enacting real change. That change can be in behaviors, systems, procedures, attitudes, boundaries…you name it! Regardless, though, you need to be willing to enforce an action plan, even if it means you’re the one doing the changing.
Check in with the parties to ensure the problem has been addressed effectively. If it hasn’t, go back and collaborate on a new strategy.
What have you learned NOT to do in a conflict? Share your learning experiences in the comments!