Americans take great pride in their work. If it’s one thing we’re known for, it’s that drive to innovate, strive, and succeed. While this is aspirational – even noble! – there are dark sides to putting so much weight into work, jobs, and career.
Part of the problem is that so often we (men in particular) base our entire identity around what we do. This is why we end up having midlife crises that leave us searching for meaning and who we are in light of the knowledge that the kids are grown and retirement is drawing near.
Who are you without your work?
This question matters, because when we tie our identity – and thus, our self-worth and value – into our jobs, it becomes contingent upon career success. Failure in a business venture becomes a crippling character flaw rather than a growth opportunity.
So, in a culture that naturally leads us to place our worth in our work…how do we separate our identity from the job?
6 Keys to Separating Who You Are from What You Do
#1 – Identify a Broader Purpose
First things first: why do you do what you do? Who or what are you working for? Working towards? What do you really care about? What’s the legacy you want to leave behind when it’s all said and done? These are some of the questions you should ask yourself to help pin down a meaningful purpose that transcends any one job, role, or career. It will help you see yourself as productive and intentional – rather than aimless and “useless” – if you face retirement or unemployment unwillingly.
#2 – Celebrate Wearing Different Hats
What roles do you play in your life? The role of the professional and expert isn’t the only one you have. You’re a friend, a partner, a parent, a mentor. You’re a sports fan, a runner, a book lover, a craft beer enthusiast, a little league coach…you name it! Part of being a well-rounded adult is accepting that each role you play is a part of who you are. Doing a job isn’t the only one worthwhile or fulfilling.
#3 – Temper Knee-Jerk Reactions
You know you’re putting too much of your self-worth into your job when you take career criticisms much, much too hard. If you’re having knee-jerk, defensive reactions to critique, pause. The negative emotions you feel might be because you put too much stock and too much of yourself into career success.
Step back and see criticism not as a personal indictment, but an opportunity to reach new levels of excellence.
#4 – Set Firm Boundaries
There’s a great deal of discourse about work-life balance, from how vital it is to whether it even exists. Here’s the reality: a work-life balance only exists if you make it for yourself. Part of that means setting firm boundaries. It’s tough to see yourself outside of your professional role if you’re always operating within it! Take vacations. Use weekends to rest. Don’t address work business after hours.
When you prioritize these separations, you are better able to separate a personal identity from a professional one.
#5 – Self-Reflect Often
Self-reflection is integral to personal and professional success. It’s a practice that empowers you to identify qualities, patterns of behavior, and modes of operation so that you understand yourself and ways to thrive. Self-reflection should also give you time to identify the things you love and appreciate about yourself. Remind yourself of your good qualities – not just your accomplishments – and help them enable you to push boundaries without fear.
#6 – Practice NOT Talking About Work
When you meet a new person, one of the first questions bound to come up is, “what do you do?”
Answering this question is all well and fine, and so is talking about your professional life. But watch yourself! A sign of a workaholic (and perhaps an unhealthy relationship with work and self) is the apparently inability to talk about anything except work.
In social situations, make a concerted effort to not talk shop. When you find other interests and topics to discuss, you affirm a wide, broader identity for yourself that goes beyond your career.
Has your well-being been impacted by putting your identity in your career? Share you experience in the comments.