Most of us aren’t haunted by ghosts or ghouls. The number one thing that “haunts” human beings? Our failures. Our mistakes. Those moments when we came up short – when we took a swing and totally whiffed it. The ol’ swing and a miss.
I know I’ve had times when thinking about failures didn’t result in a simple “cringe” moment. I just couldn’t let those mistakes go, no matter how long it had been or how far I’d come from the person I was.
Here’s the sad truth: our failures and mistakes have a way of worming into our minds. Like they’re always back there, ready to remind us that we’re never enough. Truly, worse than any ghost! Now, I won’t pretend I’ve totally mastered the art of handling failure. But I have learned a thing or two throughout my career that keeps those moments from defining me or my future.
Instead, I use these parts of my life, old and new, to grow into a better leader, partner, and person. Here’s how:
7 Rules to Keep Past Mistakes from Haunting You
Rule #1 – Take responsibility for your actions.
Two things will happen if you don’t acknowledge your role in your failures. One, you’ll look for other people to blame instead. Absolving yourself of responsibility means it will fall on someone else. This isn’t to say there aren’t multiple contributing factors. These things can be complex. However, as a leader, you know that the buck ultimately stops with you.
The first step to making peace is taking that responsibility. Feel the total weight of it. Only then can you begin to see how it happened and how you can prevent it from happening again.
Rule #2 – Reframe failures and examine them closely.
Once you accept your role in the situation, you can take a more objective approach to moving forward. First things first, reframe these mistakes as learning opportunities. They don’t define you, your ability, or your future. Instead, they’re unfortunate events that can offer a valuable silver lining – self-improvement and professional growth. Confronting your failures means building resilience and becoming a better version of yourself.
Rule #3 – Practice self-forgiveness.
Forgiving yourself is crucial for emotional well-being. Understand that dwelling on past mistakes doesn’t change the past but negatively affects your present. This is a process, too. You might have to forgive yourself over and over again. Just know that, ultimately, beating yourself up doesn’t do anyone any favors!
Rule #4 – Make amends whenever you can.
Sometimes, our failures don’t haunt us because they impact our lives, but how we see them affect others. People get hurt unintentionally – emotionally, financially, and in other ways. Part of being about to move on is to make amends. Offer a sincere apology to the parties hurt by your error. Mending these relationships is critical to true healing.
Rule #5 – Focus on the present.
We call them “ghosts of the past” for a reason. They keep us stuck in those times and places, whether it happened last week, last year, or decades ago. Dwelling bogs us down. Period. Instead of ruminating on past mistakes, focus on your next steps and goals. Reengage with your vision and take steps forward. If you find yourself stuck in the past, try mindfulness or grounding techniques to keep yourself in the present moment.
Don’t let old wounds distract from the opportunities for present healing.
Rule #6 – Accept your imperfections.
Here’s the cold, hard truth: none of us are perfect. (I know…ouch!) All joking aside, some of us have a lot of difficulty accepting that we’re flawed people. Whether it makes you feel inadequate, embarrassed, or fearful, embracing your flaws is the only way to move on. Accept where you fall short. Remember, these aren’t immutable characteristics. You can change. Grow. Improve.
You might be surprised how freeing it is to be imperfect.
Rule #7 – Execute an action plan.
Finally, I encourage you to take action. Don’t dwell. Don’t live in regret and disappointment. Instead, make your plan. Think about the future. How you’ll bounce back, be better, and overcome. Focus on your goals and why you do what you do. Fall back in love with that big picture, then break it down into action steps. Problems along the way don’t mean your dream isn’t worth pursuing. After all, if something comes easy, is it even worth having?
How do you finally move on from big failures? Share your process in the comments.